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Writer's pictureDebbs Murray

Family Violence Messages in a Minute: Don't always look for conflict



One of the greatest complexities in recognising coercive control and family violence is that the indicators are often unseen, or not visible. If we cannot recognise the indicators, we are not going to be positioned to appropriately respond.


So, lets take this a step further.


In Aotearoa, New Zealand we still measure risk based upon the level of conflict present, the chaos, the destruction, the physical injuries (and we always need to do this) but we also need to be exploring coercive control and recognising that many wounds are unseen, they are not visible.

It may not be that there are multiple forms of coercive control; it could be that there is only one act, but it is perpetrated over and over again and, therefore, is a pattern of harm: a single threat of harm, a look, an action that immediately gains “active compliance” from the primary victim.


Or imagine this scenario, as discussed in the video clip – imagine there has previously been a serious assault and the primary victim was injured, and now lives in extreme fear of this happening again. So, there is very little measurable conflict in their home because the primary victim adjusts their behaviour through “Active Compliance and Active Submission” to try and keep the predominant aggressor calm and happy.


Coercive control and family violence are about gaining and maintaining control through patterns of harm, and so there will be times when the predominant aggressor reminds the primary victim of the previous harm done in order to maintain control. This control can consist of merely a handful of words. And due to fear, there is no conflict, merely active compliance.


All of the above still equals coercive control and family violence, primary victims become entrapped in cycles of harm, violence and fear. All of these acts of family violence are not easy to recognise, but when you do, please recognise it for what it is … abuse.


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